Things that make me go hmm....

You know, I don't know.

I am trying to figure out what to do with the whole dad thing. I don't know why he is pissed at me recently, but he seems to be. Why else would he be telling me an 1100 curfue is what I am going to have?

Arrgh. Avast me maties... I have never had to go in that early. It is just retarded.

Whatever though I guess. Atleast I will be able to see Jenni some this weekend. Which is good, I feel so relaxed when I am with her now. I need to relax and unwind some, I'm starting to get stressed about everything. Starting to let everything bother me again. Starting to become cynical and dark again.

And my headache is back again, after leaving for a few days. Sigh. Whatever though. I don't even care right now. Now, it's homework time.

Grumble Grumble Cuss Cuss

Every step that I take is another mistake to you.

I hate the way you make me feel sometimes.

Eminem : "Hailies Song"

Yo I can't sing…but I feel like singing.
I want to fuckin' sing…cuz I'm happy…yea…I'm happy.
I got my baby back…yo…check it out...

Verse 1

Somedays I sit staring out the window,
watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think there's nothin' to live for.
I almost break down and cry. Sometimes I think I'm crazy.
I'm crazy, oh so crazy.
Why am I here? Am I just wasting my time
But then I see my baby, suddenly I'm not crazy.
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes

Chorus

Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders.
Everyone's leaning on me
Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over,
but then she comes back to me.

Verse 2

My baby girl keeps getting' older.
I watch her grow up with pride.
People make jokes cuz they don't understand me,
they just don't see my real side
I act like shit don't phase me,
inside it drives me crazy.
My insecurities could eat me alive
But then I see my baby,
suddenly I'm not crazy.
It all makes sense when I look in her eyes.

Verse 3
Man, if I could sing,
I'd keep singin' this song to my daughter.
If I could hit the notes,
I'd blow something as long as my father
to show her how I feel about her.
How proud I am that I got her.
God, I'm a daddy,
I'm so glad that her mom didn't.
Now you probably get this picture from my public persona
that I'ma pistol packin' drug addict who bags on his mama.
But I wanna to just take this time out to be perfectly honest,
cuz there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside
of my soul. And just know that I grow colder the older I grow.
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold,
and this load is like the weight of the world,
and I think my neck is breakin'.
Should I just give up or try to live up to these expectations?
Now look, I love my daughter more than life in itself,
but I got a wife that's determined to make my life livin' hell.
But I handle it well, given the circumstances I'm dealt.
So many chances, man, it's too bad - could have had someone else
But the years that I've wasted is nothing to the tears that I've tasted,
so here's what I'm facin'…
3 felonies, 6 years of probation.
I've went to jail for this woman,
I've been to bat for this woman.
I've taken bats to people's backs,
bent over backwards for this woman.
Man, I should have seen it coming.
What did I stick my penis up in?
Wouldn't have ripped the pre-nup up if I'da seen what she was fuckin.'
But fuck it, it's over.
There's no more reason to cry no more.
I got my baby, baby the only lady that I adore (Hailie).
So sayonara, try tommorra, nice to know ya.
Our baby's traveled back to the arms of her rightful owner.
And suddenly it seems like my shoulder blades have just shifted.
It's like the greatest gift you could get.
The weight has been lifted.

Chorus

Outro

Told you I can't sing..Oh well... I tried...
Hailie, remember when I said if you ever need anything,
Daddy would be right there? Guess what?
Daddy's here, and I ain't going nowhere, baby. I love you…(kiss)

Poem Seven

Yeah. Overall I'm happy. Really, Life is going well, and I don't have any real reason to be complaining about anything, but as this is my little forum to disperse all my pent up aggressions and problems...

My car is running great, Classes are going decently well, Things are going well with Jenni. It is great living with Massive again, and really good to see all the guys from the floor.

But Sometimes... Sometimes...

Sometimes this world is cold.
And I just want to sleep.
Sometimes this world is bold.
And I don't want to speak.

Sometimes this world is sad.
And it makes me feel so down.
Sometimes I'm upset and mad.
And I just want to drown.

Sometimes this world is great.
And it makes me remember.
Sometimes I'm glad for fate.
And I leave my December.

Sometimes this world is mine.
And it makes me feel good.
Sometimes I'm feeling fine.
And I pull out of my hood.

Sometimes I just want to quit.
And I want to give up again.
Sometimes things arn't legit.
And it makes me want to begin.

I guess as a note, I havn't done anything again. If anyone even reads this crap anymore. Though I would be lying if I said I hadn't been tempted. It seems so weird to me to get so screwed up over stupid little things that shouldn't bother me, and didn't for years.

Then when you least expect it you start to grow cynical and spiteful of everyone around again. And everyone around is happy, and you arn't. To top it all off people are miserable around you, people you care for, but you can't do anything for them.

I don't know. For the record. VERTIGO SUCKS. So do the Migraines that are accompanying it. The reason I havn't posted much lately is that I have had a Migraine basically straight through since ... August. It is as Massive would say... Teh Suck.

Okay. Well, may be I'll post a lyrics set then go to bed. Goodnight all, and Good luck.

Why am I sad tonight?

Why can't I just be happy?

Why is it that even though everything is going good, and nothing is really bothering me, that I can't just relax and sleep.

Too much pressure with classes, home, and everything else. But I don't feel that stressed...

Maybe I just need more medicine. I'll refill my perscription tomorrow.