Jimmy Eat World : "Pain"

I don't feel the way
I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.

Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

It's a lie.
A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Everytime time I quit

Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.

It's a lie.
A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

[Guitar Bridge]

I can't let it bother me.

[Guitar Solo]

It takes my pain away.

It's a lie.
A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

Don't worry? Be Happy?

Where does life stop being living, and become the monitinous drudgery?

When does my life get good again? Right now I have the majority of my time worrying about classes and shit. And very little worrying about the good things in my life. What is wrong with just being happy? Why do I need all the shit? Why do I need college, and jobs, and every piece of junk in the world?

Why can't I just... be happy?

I hate everything...

And almost everyone...

Poem Nine

I feel like shit.

Oh, and my dad expressed to me that he didn't think that I wasn't cut out for college... Fun shit right there.



I'm driving down the road,
Remembering what you said.

I feel so alone,
I'm feeling so dead.
I don't want to go,
Thoughts in my head.

Where did I go?
Why did I have to?
I'm driving down the road,
I want to see you.

But you're gone,
And I'm so blue.

Story of the Year : "Anthem of Our Dying Day"

The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying!!!

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Our dying day
Of our dying!!!

Headaches

My headaches are terrible. They are no longer going away with Advil or any other type of pain medications, I don't know what I'm going to do. Tonight I've been drinking, and that has helped a little, but not enough to be significant.

Other than that things are going alright. I don't know what else is going on really, School is pissing me off cause they won't let me drop the classes from last semester that I had incompletes in. I think that it's my decision so I should be able to drop them. But they are gay.

Whatever. I'm going to go try and kill some more headache...

Poem Eight

So I'm afraid.
I know what I'm to do.
So I'm afraid.
I lost track in the leiu.

So I'm away.
Been gone for a long time.
So I'm weak.
Want to cut, want to rhyme.

So I'm here.
I'm only so for you.
So I'm sad.
Do you not feel it too.

I know I am the way you want to be.
I know I look the way you want to see.
I know that you feel everything for me.
But right now you feel so far away.

It tears me apart despite all of my might.
It keeps me awake all through the night.
It makes me want to hurt, this I fight.
But right now I feel so far away.

I long for you to come see me in this week.
I try not to breakdown, I try not to freak.
I try to be strong, I try to hold on, not to be weak.
But right now we are so far away.

You are where you are, I'm here right now.
It hurts me inside, makes me so incredibly foul.
But once I see you, once were together ... wow.
But right now ... Just so far away.

I am afraid.
I just want to be with you.
I am afraid.
These things I don't want to do.
I am afraid.
And there's no dreaming of you.

Clarifications... Maybe just muddying the water...

I am very happy with Jenni. I reread the poem I just posted, and it sounds like I'm not. That comes across that way if you read it without thinking the way I am I guess. Everything with her is perfect right now, it's just when I'm not with her...

When I'm not with her I feel so empty so alone. Hollow. I find myself jaded to the world when she isn't around with me. I feel lost and afraid when she is gone... I guess when I'm gone really. She keeps the world and my fears at bay from me. She keeps the happy thoughts around, she is most of the happy thoughts, and so I find myself not wanting to leave when it's time.

No one can replace that feeling in me when she's gone. And it's blinding when I'm here in my room, and all the people coming and going can't remove the pain of the migraine for a laugh. Can't pass the vertigo away with a smile. She doesn't take away the symptoms, but when I'm with her I feel better...

I don't know. I took too many advil, so I'm kinda loopy. 5 migraine strength, plus the tylonol I had at home... too long ago... And the Rx is taking affect and I'm falling asleep...

Wish me sweet dreams. And may wonderful slumber fall on you.

Stupid People

I was feeling really good earlier today. The day was going great until about nine O'Clock. Then I found out Jenni's day didn't go so well, and mine started to go donw hill with a little flame war.

I tried to help a friend by telling him to stop what he was doing when he started to hurt another friend of mine. But he didn't listen, and so I had to tell him to shut up meanly. He still didn't listen, and he got his ass hit for it. He shouldn't have been so retarded and ignorant. He thought he was looking out for me, but he wasn't he was just hurting one of my other friends.

I don't pretend to know everything, but I don't smart off to someone who will try to kick my ass for something. I don't even smart off to people who won't try to. Why did he have to be so retarded about it? And why did he have to call me a Liar and an asshole later on about it.

I hate People. I hate them with a passion. I need a hug, and the weekend is still three more days away.

Today was Cool

Today was good. Jenni came out today, and when she came we just chilled. I hadn't seen Shrek 2 yet, but I got to see it. Also we went out to dinner, and we just hung out in general.

Sigh. But she went back home, and I'm sad and lonely again. I am glad that she came though cause shit was about to finish pissing me off, and I was going to be very upset very shortly.

I'm gonna go on to bed now. I feel like I can sleep alright, but we'll see how all that goes I imagine.

Linkin Park Thoughts and Some General Ramblings

Life Sucks.

I had a nice update, but since the computer just ate it... You all get NOTHING.

Just a reclairification on lyrics. If they are in Italics : Important to me. If they are in Bold : Really important to me. If they are in both : pay attention to these I REALLY like them cause they are probably important to Me.

Not that I am self absorbed, I am just trying to get you all a little insight into my crazy ass mind.

Anyway everything in my life is sucking right now, except my relationship with Jenni, and if you want more clairification on any of it let me know by IM. SCRAGNX on AIM.

Okay what the hell ever. Goodnight.

Linkin Park : "Breaking the Habit"

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
(Unless I try to start again)
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

Chorus:
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm Breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I dont want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

Chorus

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

Chorus

Sum 41 : "Still Waiting"

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in

Drop dead a bullet to my head
Your words are like a gun in hand
You can't change the state of the nation
We just need some motivation

Three times casino eviction
Just lies and more contradiction
So tell me what would you say
I'd say its up: to me

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in

Ignorance and Understanding
We're the first ones to jump in line
Out of step for what we believe in
But whos left? To stop the bleeding

How far will we take this
It's not hard to see through the sickness
So tell me what would you say
I'd say its up: to me

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in

This can't last forever
Time won't make things better
I feel so alone
Can't help myself
And no one knows
If this is worthless
Tell me: so

What have we done
We're in a war that can't be won
This can't be real
I don't know what to feel

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in

Suck

I feel such hatred.
Such animosity.
So bitter.

"Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt."

I don't need this shit.
God I wanna disappear.
Don't tell where we ran.
Never calling again.

What's so hard to accept?
I make my own decisions.
I decide what I do.
I decide where I go.
I decide who it's with.

Damn I really want a beer.